it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
