I've blown a few things in my day
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
