I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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