I skipped work to stalk him.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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