I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize