So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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