I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
