I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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