We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
