babies were throwing up all over the place
I've blown a few things in my day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
