okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
