I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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