it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
