I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize