I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
