No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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