I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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