i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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