So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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