The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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