i permit you to call me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
