You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
