btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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