I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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