You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
