i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize