Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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