Non-Jews are for practice
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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