Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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