And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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