She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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