Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize