She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
