Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
