I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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