I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
