i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dick very happy bro
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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