oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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