I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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