I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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