i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
