The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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