omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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