I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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