I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
