at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize