remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
