Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
