Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i love accidental penises.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
