I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
