You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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