The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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