you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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