Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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