He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
