We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
