i already hear my dad disowning me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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