Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
