the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
