We're like a lot better than the average bears
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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