fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
