If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
