u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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