Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
