sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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