If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
