I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
