I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
