I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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