Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
