We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drunk is not a location!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
